Tuesday, July 18, 2006

In a Parallel Universe

Al Reuters, Turtle Bay Headquarters - The Quebecois movement in Canada, a seperatist group under little control from the Candian government, launced a series of cross border raids into upper New York, Vermot and New Hampshire as part of a long standing dispute over lands that once belonged to the French-Canadians but were ceded to the US after the French-Indian Wars of the 18th century. The underfunded Royal Canadian Mounted Police have unable to stop the incursions and as a result, the United States will man the border with recently mobilized National Guard units. To protect
American citizens caught in the midst of the conflict, the National Guard might cross into Canada and strike at the heart of the rogue movement. Targets would likely include infrastructure used to support the militant Quebecois movement and suspected "Log Cabin" depots of Maple II missles that have been repeatedly lobbed over the border into US territory. The US is also demanding the return of three border patrol agents who were kidnapped two days ago by a Quebec raiding party. US officials state that there can be no negotiations without their freedom. Recently released internet videos indicate that the French funded organization is forcing the captured US law enforcement personel to learn French, eat raw escargot and wear flanel. The Quebucois leader, Jean le Fluer, said in a statement released this morning that any US demands will be ignored as the movement refuses to recognize the existence of the USA and its legitimacy as a nation-state. France has publicly pledged monetary aid to repair any
damages incurred in Quebec at the hands of this American aggression in Canada. The Uknighted Nations is debating a resolution condemning the United States for lifting a finger in response to the incursions of the small group of Canadian freedom fighters.